proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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