I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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