Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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