Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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