i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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