I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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