dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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