my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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