Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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