didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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