Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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