My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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