so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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