Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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