I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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