I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize