whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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