I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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