You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize