Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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