I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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