Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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