just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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