I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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