i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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