i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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