If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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