He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize