I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize