Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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