i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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