did you get engaged???
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize