Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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