I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize