What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize