He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize