even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize