You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize