Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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