woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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