Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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