Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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