marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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