Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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