when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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