Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i think my tv is drunk
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize