grandma shit on top of the toilet
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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