Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize