So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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