Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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