Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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