he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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