He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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